


Fifth Dimensional Pests

by Glimare



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Superman - All Media Types, Teen Titans (Animated Series)
Genre: fractured, larry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-19 04:31:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19968091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glimare/pseuds/Glimare
Summary: One-ShotShortly after the episode 'Fractured', Dick has breakfast with Bruce and Clark, looking for some advice. Kinda fluffy and some theorizing.





	Fifth Dimensional Pests

**Author's Note:**

> Same as on Fanfiction.net with some edits. Held up rather well I think. Just playing with a theory or two, but none of them are canon or matter. Have fun!

“Hi, guys.” Dick Grayson settled down at the table already seating Bruce Wayne and Clark Kent. All three were on a very public dock restaurant, just out of range of any other people. Bruce reserved it ages ago for him and any other costumed heroes to talk in privacy. 

He didn’t expect Dick to show up. Last he knew, the kid was in Jump taking on his own rogue gallery with his friends the Teen Titans. Last he knew, he didn’t want anything to do with Bruce. And yet here he was, interrupting a brunch between the two adults who influenced his upbringing most besides Alfred. Was this the old butler’s idea to make them reconcile? By bringing Clark in?

“Dick!” Clark nearly jumped out of his seat to give the kid a hug. The teenager received it gladly, some tension leaving his body. “It’s great to see you! I didn’t know you were in town. Bruce, why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t know either.” The world’s greatest detective tried to not look both overjoyed and scared to see his old partner. The two’s eyes locked onto each other for a moment before both looked away awkwardly. Course their awkward as so discrete the alien didn’t pick it up. “Did Alfred tell you to – ” 

“Actually I wanted to talk to both of you about something.” Dick rubbed the back of his neck as he tried to figure out how to start his tale. “You see…”

“Would you like anything to drink young sir?” Their waitress smiled as she offered the boy a menu, which he declined.

“Just water I think. I won’t be here long.”

“He’ll have blueberry pancakes with whipped topping, scrambled eggs with cheese and crispy bacon. And bring a pitcher of orange juice.” Dick scowled quickly at his former mentor as he ordered him a decent sized breakfast. Bruce gave him a chiding look. “You haven’t eaten yet and you look like you could use it. Unless you want to change the order.”

“Bruce.” Clark chided, frustrated with them both, but it wasn’t really necessary. Dick gave the lady a relenting nod. His guardian had picked what he would have. The waitress smiled kindly then walked away.

“You ordered it,” Dick stated flatly, “you pay for it.”

“Fair enough. So what is it you wanted to talk about?” Bruce sprinkled salt over his grapefruit, perfectly composed on the outside. Inside he was nearly jumping for joy. Dick wanted to talk to him (and Clark). He wanted advice. That hadn’t happened in some time.

“Um… How do I start....” The leader of the Titans was now tongue-tied.

“Well, you could – ” Clark started.

“Start from the begin – ” Bruce said at the same time.

“How do you get rid of a fifth-dimensional fanboy?”

Both men froze at the question. 

Fifth… 

Dimension… 

Fanboy… 

Almost in unison, the two greatest superheroes the world had ever known gripped their heads in pain, cringing and groaning at the mentioning of such beings. Dick had a similarly pained expression on his face, sympathizing with them greatly. Clark gave him an almost sorry pleading look. “You have one too?”

“Yeah.” The dread-filled exasperation in his voice nearly matched theirs. “I don’t think he’s near as bad as your guys’ but he’s still a royal pain.”

“How’d it happen?” Bruce’s usually strong demeanor almost faded away to exhaustion as he asked. He was hoping Batmite would be the only one to terrorize them.

“Well…” Dick rubbed his arm nervously, not look at anyone as he tried to find the right words. “I kinda broke my arm… and motorcycle… while trying to take on Jonny Rancid.”

Bruce scowled slightly at the mentioning of an injury while Clark just looked him over in concern. Both were protective of him and at least one of them was already thinking about how to get rid of this particular villain in the near future. Still, the kid continued.

“Larry, that’s what we called him, saw it with his powers and decided to take action. I was all set on just staying put until it healed, letting my team take care of him when Larry kinda came out of my head.”

“Came out?” The confused expressions on both men’s faces were priceless.

“Yeah. He was bending the rules of reality to get to our world and ended up physically coming out of my head. Got the worst headache for a few minutes but soon after I was fine. And a diminutive fat version of me calling himself Nosyarg Kcid was right inside our living room. Raven did a scan on him and confirmed we had identical DNA, making him an alternate me as well. BB couldn’t say his name so we just called him Larry.”

“What was he doing there?” Clark asked quickly, cringing at the idea of one of those guys coming out of his head. Bruce was already pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. No doubt he was making some kind of connection between what Larry had told Dick and Batmite.

“He said he wanted to help,” Dick told them, trying to give the imp some benefit of a doubt. “He has this ‘magic finger’ and wanted to heal my arm. He tried a lot of times, really making a mess of things, before I… kinda broke his finger.”

“You what?” Though Clark was surprised by the kid’s antics, Bruce couldn’t hold back a slight laugh and smile. He couldn’t count how many times he wanted to break his impish fanboy. “Dick, seriously…”

“It was an accident!” The teen leaned back in his chair, sighing heavily and looking to the blue sky above. “I didn’t want to hurt him, I just wanted him to stop. And it’s like that finger’s made of glass. All I did was push him away.”

“Could have been worse,” Bruce said in the kid’s defense. Part of him was still laughing, pleased his boy took action against such a pest.

“It got worse.” Dick looked between them, exhaustion pouring out of his features. “Breaking his finger broke reality around Jump City. First, everything was ridiculously cartoonish, like those pictures I used to draw for my mom and Alfred. Then Jonny Rancid figured out if he got to the source of the change, he could change everything the way he liked it. I think only Rae like the changes. Though, you might have liked it too.”

The boy gave a quick impish look to his old mentor, who merely raised an eyebrow. Seeing there was really no reaction, Dick continued. “In the end, me, my team and Larry came up with a plan to fix everything by working together and beating down Rancid’s ego. Have to admit, that was fun. Reality being fixed also healed Larry’s finger. I decided to give the guy one last shot to fix my arm and ended up in another dimension. Raven had to fish me out of it.”

“When was this?” the detective asked, quite curious why he hadn’t heard about this incident before.

“About two weeks ago. Larry succeeded in fixing my arm.” He waved one hand to make certain they saw it was fine. Bruce nodded while Clark smiled in relief. Then Dick looked back to the table between them all. “But now he won’t leave! He keeps trying to ‘help’ and only gets more and more in the way. I’m afraid of what he’ll do next and what might happen if Slade gets his hands on him.”

“Slade?”

“One of my problems. Don’t even – ” 

“Here’s your drink!” The waitress’ interruption couldn’t have been better timed. Both men put on their best smiles for the lady as she left the pitcher and extra glasses for them. Dick just ripped off the straw’s paper and started drinking. He must have been thirsty from talking so much. The woman smiled sweetly as she refilled the men’s coffee cups. “I’ll have the rest of your order shortly.”

“Take your time.” The teen watched the woman walk away, a small smirk coming to his face. “Nice legs.”

“Mhmm,” his mentor agreed absently.

“Will you two get your hormones in check?” Clark shot them both exasperated looks.

“Not all of us are stuck on one girl like you are, Kent.”

“How is Lois?” The teen turned about in hopes to detour them from one subject. “Still ignoring you?”

The alien rolled his eyes behind his glasses before poking at the last of his waffles. “Actually, I think I’ve got a date with her next… I thought we were talking about fifth-dimensional imps?”

The former duo gave identical smirks. “Right. Larry. He won’t leave the tower. Any idea on how to get rid of him?”

The man of steel gave a long sigh before answering. “With Mxyzplik, all I’ve ever had to do was get him to say or write his name backward. And he’s gone for a couple months. It’s some kind of cosmic rule if you can get them to say their real name backward or something.”

“Uhhh… Can’t happen.” Dick looked to Bruce for a moment before looking nowhere again. “I spelled out his name frontwards once. It’s mine. My real one.”

“I see.” The older detective rubbed his head in lieu of an oncoming headache. He hadn’t told Clark about his deal with Dick that kept the Bat away from Jump and shadowing his old partner.

So the confused look on the farm boy’s face wasn’t surprising. “And that’s a problem… how?”

“Getting him to say it is the same as revealing my identity to my team.”

“They don’t know?” Already the reporter was looking towards the kid’s guardian, wondering what was really going on there.

“The majority of the Justice League doesn’t know mine,” Bruce stated flatly, hoping to avoid a fight. They really didn’t need one.

“But don’t you – ” 

“And here’s your order!” Again the magically cheery waitress with legs of awesomeness appeared to save someone from an awkward conversation. She placed Dick’s meal right in front of him, setting the third set of utensils beside him. She gave her perfectly set smile on her face before looking back to the two adults. “Will there be anything else?”

“A Bearclaw for the road,” Bruce informed her before taking out his card and handing it to her. His ward gave him a sidelong look between quick bites only for a raised eyebrow to answer it. The man knew him very well, and so long as he was at his table, Dick was going to eat well.

“I’ll bring it right out.” And like that the lady was gone.

Dick gulped down what he had in his mouth before speaking. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Hmm,” he answered with a shrug, looking after the woman absentmindedly.

“He’s just showing how much he cares about you,” Clark chuckled softly. “My ma always makes me go home with a pie after a visit.”

Both of them looked away awkwardly, hiding it best they could. Neither could deny they cared, though Dick did profess otherwise in Bruce’s case. “I’d prefer Alfred’s cookies,” he murmured lowly, trying not to be heard before eating another bite of his meal.

“The jar isn’t here,” Bruce likewise murmured, “and you don’t want my cooking.”

The other adult gave an exasperated sigh, running a hand through his hair. “What is with you two? Just say sorry and hug already!”

“With Batmite,” the detective started, completely ignoring their companion’s plea, “I just convince him that he can do more good in his world than in ours. Sometimes it takes a while for him to get the hint or get bored, but he usually leaves on his own.”

“Think we can get them to meet and become the dynamic duo of the fifth dimension?” Dick also ignored the alien’s demand. “Larry’s a lot nicer than Batmite, if I remember him right. Might make the guy a little nervous.”

“It’s a possibility. You should suggest it to him and get him to leave that way.”

“You two are really going to ignore the real issue here, aren’t you?” Clark rubbed his head as the two gave him identical critical looks. He sighed heavily, shaking his head. “Of course you are.”

“So just talk it over with him and remind him he has to go home then?” Dick concluded. He devoured half his plate as his mentor spoke, almost as if he hadn’t had a good meal in a while. It was possible he skipped his last one just to talk to them.

“That seems the most logical conclusion,” Bruce admitted, still groaning inside from the idea of his… ward… having to deal with the same problem he has on occasion. “Doesn’t sound like Larry’s deliberately causing trouble like Myxzy is. Or changes reality for his own amusement like Batmite. He sounds more like…”

He looked curiously at Dick for a moment, thinking of the past and the story he told about the little imp. “Like you. How you would always ask if you could help and would stumble on occasion. Just clumsier.”

As the teen considered this, Clark joined in, smiling as he came to similar conclusions. “Yeah, he does! I remember when you were little and kept trying to fix that gadget you broke.”

“Ugh!” the teen winced. “Do you have to remember that?”

“Similar concept,” his mentor put in.

“Then are you also saying that Batmite is an alternate you?” Dick turned the tables on the dark knight who grimaced at the idea.

“It… had occurred to me.”

“Whoa whoa whoa whoa!” The reporter threw up his hands, trying to stop the conversation for a moment. He did not like the implications they were going to. “Mxyzplik is nothing like me. There is no way your guys’ theory is true.”

“Could be an alternate version of Lex Luthor,” Dick offered, waving the last bit of pancake on his fork as he spoke. 

The idea made the man of steel stop, realizing this might be true. It almost made sense, especially how the guy was seemingly obsessed with him and kept trying to make a mess of his life. Plus they were both bald and liked the same colors. He groaned loudly before putting his head in his hands. He didn’t get to see his companions smirk in amusement.

“It would explain things,” Bruce stated, driving the theory closer to home. Just then the waitress came back, a paper bag in one hand and the paid bill and card in the other. He took both, setting one in front of his former partner before filling out what was needed on the papers and handing them back. He left a sizable tip for the lady, making her grin even broader. Helped he winked flirtatiously at her as well. Dick would have rolled his eyes if he wasn’t looking at her legs again.

“Stop it you two,” the farm boy groaned, not seeing them still checking out the waitress. “You’re just going to make the next time I see him even worse.”

“Doubtful. Slow down, Dick. You’re going to choke.” The billionaire gave his ward a concerned look as the boy downed another glass of orange juice as fast as he could, forcing the remains of his meal down his throat.

With it clear, the teen shook his head, wincing slightly. Something hadn’t gone down so well. “I have to get back to Jump. You don’t know what it’s like after I get back from a trip. Rae’s holes up in her room, Star’s makes a mess out of the kitchen with her alien cooking, and Cy and BB are probably destroying the living room while fighting over the controller. And that’s if the city’s quiet.”

“Sounds like you have your hands full,” the adults concluded to which the adolescent shrugged.

“You get used to it. Besides,” Dick got to his feet again, taking the offered pastry before getting ready to leave, “I’ve got a fifth-dimensional fanboy to send home. Thanks for the ideas. And,” he looked awkwardly at Bruce, fighting an instinct to not make eye contact, “thanks for breakfast. I’ve been on the road for a while.”

Bruce nodded once before looking back to what was left of his meal. “Be careful driving home.”

The kid smiled slightly at him, a mixture of emotions in his eyes before pushing it all aside to grin at his favorite superhero. “Talk to ya later Clark.”

“Later Dick,” the man replied, smiling cheerily. The teen smiled at them again then dashed away, back to where his motorcycle was hidden not too far away. Once the kid was out of earshot, Clark turned on his best friend sipping coffee and gave him a quick jab in the arm. “Would it really kill you to just say, ‘I’m sorry. I love you. Come home’?”

A fully patented batglare hit him. Though the man of steel wasn’t immune to it like Robin was most the time, he had built a tolerance for it and didn’t back down. “It’s not that simple.”

“What’s not that simple?” Clark objected as Bruce pulled out his phone and started tapping away on it. “It’s exactly like that! You two had a fight, one where you could just apologize and it’d all be over! You miss him, Bruce. You really want your son back.”

“He has a team now,” the CEO stated flatly, looking over what he found on the screen with distaste. He glanced over to where Dick was getting on his bike, putting the paper sack into one of the bike’s compartments. It wasn’t until he put the helmet on that Bruce went back to what he was reading. “He has a city to protect. Responsibilities. I can’t drag him back to Gotham. He’s… outgrown me.”

“No child outgrows their parents.” The reporter stood from his seat with a huff, frustrated with the whole argument. “Just admit you miss him and you’re sorry and I’m sure you’ll have Sunday dinners and letters and texts keeping you two together. And you could finally bring up those adoption papers you’ve had on hand all this time.”

Bruce didn’t answer him, seemingly paying more attention to his phone than the man of steel in front of him. Fed up, Clark stepped away from the table. “You know what? You’re right. It’s not that simple. You’re both so stubborn, it’ll never be simple. Nice seeing you.”

With that, the reporter left the billionaire alone. Once this one was out of sight, others saw a red and blue form flying above them all. Bruce, of course, ignored it all, only whispering a ‘thanks for the visit’ before giving his whole attention to what was on his screen.

Just who was this ‘Slade’ Dick let slip was his problem? And just why would it be a problem if Larry was taken by him?

END


End file.
